mindpollution.org

So, here I am: 5 hours in a plane, 3 hours in an airport and 2 hours in a car later… and I’m still sitting in my apartment here in NY.

Our 3:30pm American Airlines flight yesterday was one of the many that were canceled due to bad weather on the East Coast, but only after sitting on the runway for almost 5 hours. I don’t fault them for having to cancel the flight – the weather was indeed horrendous (as we discovered while driving home from the airport late that night) – but I do take issue with the way the airline handled itself during and after the delay. Here are some of the fun times to be had when enduring such an experience on an American Airlines flight:

1. Think you might get a free drink or sandwich after 4 hours of being stuck in the cabin? Think again. They wouldn’t even give you a full can of soda – only those little cups.

2. At least three times during the delay, the pilot announced that we were finally taking off and beginning the flight… only to announce a few minutes later that he was mistaken and the plane is actually being ordered into another queue. The first time this happened, I can believe it was a mistake, but the third time? Well, that’s just asking for people to start dumping their mini-cups of soda on the floor and filling the seat pocket with trail mix. So I did.

3. When your flight is canceled, you’d probably think the airline would fall all over itself to try and find you another flight… but you’d be wrong again. We were dismissed and simply told to call a 1-800 number to find out about alternate flights. There was no “Sorry about this, do you need any help figuring out what to do now that you’re stranded in a major airport?” Not even a “Hey, if you want to talk to someone face-to-face who can help, you should head over in that direction.” All we were given was an apology and a 1-800 number. Fend for yourselves, people we just screwed over! All they were missing was an evil laugh, the fuckers.

4. Not-so-funny note: When you call the 1-800 number for American Airlines, the automated service relies on voice recognition for navigating its menu. If you want to speak to a travel agent, you need to say the word “agent” – but apparently, the system isn’t set up to recognize 99% of the ways you can say the word “agent.” Or maybe it’s just not set up to recognize the way Jessica and I and the several dozen people around us were saying the word “agent,” as we passed about 4 or 5 other couples announcing the word into their phones with increasing frustration over and over again. After about 10 minutes on the phone and 6 or 7 attempts at the word “agent,” you eventually default to a travel agent… but I had already started screaming “goddam piece-of-shit agent motherfucker” after about 5 tries. Go figure.

5. When we did eventually reach an American Airlines agent on the phone, she told us there were no other flights available on American or any other airlines for the next 48 hours. At this point, Jessica was a red-faced, crying mess, as this trip was also supposed to be her birthday present, and she had been looking forward to it for quite a while. And I was in a state of shock due to the fact that my ability to arrange any traffic-worthy coverage on the site hinged on getting to the show early enough to meet with various publishers. However, calling around to several friends revealed that there were actually quite a few different flights available during that period. After coming perilously close to just giving up on San Diego this year, the ComicMix crew who was already in San Diego (where I should have been at that point, too) was able to book us a flight at 3:30pm today… and on a different airline, thank you.

6. When your flight is canceled, don’t expect to get a refund on the cost of checking your bags or parking, either. Yes, that’s right: American Airlines now requires you to pay $15 for every bag you check on a flight. When I told them I wanted to know how I can get those charges refunded (since the services I was paying for – transporting the bag to San Diego – were never actually rendered) as well as my parking fee, I was told that this wasn’t company policy. They could refund the ticket, but not the other charges. Next stop(s): The FAA, Consumer Protection Board and NY news outlets! Anyone want an interviewee for your next “Death of the Airline Industry” story?

All told, we wasted $10 hours of the day, $50 (in baggage fees and parking) and lost two days of the biggest show of the year. Now we’re packing up to try it all over again today. Thanks American Airlines, you thieving rat bastards.