Earlier this week, I questioned the mass hysteria surrounding the first trailer for “The Dark Knight Rises.” Now that the first trailer for “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” has arrived, I feel like my hesitation in going buck-wild over Batman is justified.

This is how you do a trailer, people.

No joke, the trailer gave me chills — and not just any little shiver, either. When Thorin and the other dwarves start singing, it was a cold-water-down-my-spine-and-an-ice-cube-in-my-pants moment. *brr*

I mean, if this trailer doesn’t make you ponder the idea of a self-imposed coma that will wake you up on December 13, 2012, then YOU ARE CLEARLY DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

Furthermore, I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that the trailer for “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” will be the first recipient of an Academy Award for “Best Trailer” — a category created to honor this trailer’s achievement, much like the “Best Makeup Effects” award did for “An American Werewolf in London.” (Unlike “Best Makeup,” however, the “Best Trailer” category will later be retired until the trailer for the second half of “The Hobbit” is released.)

Finally — and keep this between us — an anonymous source close to this project has informed me that every second you spend watching this trailer actually adds a full minute to your life. It’s not confirmed, but this source has never steered me wrong.

…

Okay, so I’m not actually this pants-wetting excited about the trailer, but I do really, really like it and I can’t wait to see this movie. I just wanted to try going completely mental over a trailer, because I haven’t done that in a while. I think the last trailer I got this excited about was for one of the “Doctor Who” specials. Well, that was fun. Now, moving on…